It’s been a long time since my last personal blog – I just stopped sharing my private thoughts. I lost my voice and I had nothing left to say. To an extent that’s still the case, but I’ve been working on some stuff and wanted to share it.

I’ve been really honest over the last five years about how a serious assault coupled with Mark dying affects me.

I won’t lie, it’s still a daily struggle but I have now started to look at rediscovering my purpose in life. This in itself is a journey all of its own. I’ve not been able to work since all this happened and, if I’m honest with myself, the prospect of that still feels a long way off, however, I continue to work through trauma-informed therapy and have started to focus more on what I can do. What I can influence. What I do have control over.

When we experience trauma, the body does all kinds of weird things; fight, flight and freeze being the most commonly known. “What ifs” are a constant, as are guilt, blame, hate and doubt. A truly shocking range of emotions that are hard to shake off, make sense of and, to a point, accept.

People around me drifted away. Some by choice, many because I pushed them. When I found myself in that bubble, it made sense at the time, sometimes it was even needed to enable me to reset my life. Everything changed and so I started again, from afresh. This led me back to the one thing I thought I knew. Me. How was I going to change the course of my life? What was my point of being anymore? How could I positively rebuild?

Don’t get me wrong, that is a very dark place to go and it’s easy to get sucked into that and spiral. Spiral I did. Then I started chatting with someone having a difficult time and found myself asking all of the questions I should have been asking myself.

Many people have been in touch since I shared details about my trauma and, when I reflected on those conversations, I should have been treating myself in the same way; with compassion, kindness and time. I know better than this, yet trauma has been eating away at me like maggots do flesh. Not the best of images, but that’s how it feels. It clouds your head and you forget who you are, and who you were before the trauma happened.

I started writing stuff down. Random, free, without structure, exactly how I write my blogs. I never went back to it, but it moved out of my head for a time, which ultimately freed up space to do something meaningful out of a harrowing question.. “what is the point of my life?”

With help, this is where I have ended up and I wanted to share it. My hope is that this helps one person in the way it’s continuing to help me.

Step 1: Reconnect with Your Strengths

Sometimes trauma makes us forget how capable we truly are. Take a moment to reflect:

• What are you naturally good at?

• When did you last feel proud of yourself — even in a small way?

• Who have you helped in the past, and how did it feel?

• What part of you has survived even the hardest days?

Step 2: Safe Reconnection with the Outside World

You don’t have to rush back into life. Gentle steps are okay. Think about what feels safe right now:

• Is there a safe place I enjoy being — even just for a few minutes?

• Who might I feel safe walking with, even for a short time?

• Could I bring the outside in — like opening a window or sitting near light or going into the garden?

Step 3: Explore Meaningful Contribution

Purpose isn’t about productivity — it’s about impact. What brings your heart to life?

• What would I like to change or improve in the world, even a little?

• Is there a cause, skill, or idea I feel connected to?

• Could I volunteer, write, mentor, or share my story in a safe way?

Step 4: Honour Mental Health

You are not behind. You are healing. Your brain and body need care — especially after trauma.

• What boundaries help me feel safe and steady?

• Who can I speak to honestly — even if I say, “I’m not okay today”?

• What kind of support (therapy, rest, medication, community) do I need right now?

Step 5: Create One Gentle Goal

Rebuilding starts with one small step. Pick one gentle goal — no matter how tiny — to support your purpose.

Examples:

• “I will write one idea I care about.”

• “I will step outside and breathe for two minutes.”

• “I will speak kindly to myself once today.”

• “I will open this plan again tomorrow.”

Final Thought

Purpose doesn’t always start big. Sometimes it starts with surviving. Sometimes it starts with one breath.
You are still here — and that matters more than you know x

This has been created to gently guide people rediscovering their meaning after trauma, grief, or mental health challenges. Download now.