I’ve been thinking a lot about what I need.

And just as importantly, what I don’t.

I need things to be simple.

Not complicated.
Not overwhelming.

Just manageable.

I need people to understand that trying is not always visible.

Some days, trying is getting out of bed.

Some days, it’s answering one message.

Some days, it’s just getting through without everything feeling like too much.

I need space.

Not distance from people, but space from pressure.

Space to go at my own pace.

Space to not have everything figured out.

I need honesty.

Not “you’re doing great” if I’m not.

Not reassurance that doesn’t match reality.

Just honesty, without judgement.

I need patience.

Because this is not quick.

It’s not linear.

And it’s not something I can just push through.

But there are things I don’t need.

I don’t need expectations that don’t reflect where I am.

I don’t need pressure to be better, faster.

I don’t need to be told I’m strong in a way that feels like I have no choice but to be.

I don’t need solutions that skip over what this actually feels like.

And I don’t need to pretend that things are easier than they are.

The truth is, I am trying.

But trying, in itself, takes effort.

I am trying to understand what my life looks like now.

I am trying to manage things that used to feel simple.

I am trying to find some kind of balance in something that still feels unsteady.

I am also trying to be a better version of myself.

Not in a big, dramatic way.

Not all at once.

Just in small ways.

Being a bit more patient.

A bit more understanding.

A bit more accepting of where I am.

And I am committed to a positive future.

Even if that feels a long way off.

Even if I can’t quite see what it looks like yet.

Because somewhere underneath everything, there is still that part of me.

The part that believes things can feel different.

I’m not there yet.

But I haven’t stopped moving.

And for now, that has to be enough. Dx